We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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