I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
