LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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