Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
