Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
