Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
