To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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