those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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