i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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