Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
