You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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