He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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