Screwed.edu
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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