I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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