Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
