i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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