why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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