if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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