i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
