she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
