Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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