He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
