How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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