so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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