Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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