Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
