She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
