Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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