There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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