More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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