Whats the glycemic index on semen?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
