it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
