6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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