Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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