think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
