You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
