i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
