When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
