12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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