She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
