As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
