my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you have feelings for this penis?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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