the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
