I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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