you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
