i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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