YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
worst night to have a conscience
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
