Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
