NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
