apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
